I am Jen, Jen I am

my journey towards happy and healthy healing…inside and out!

coming back to life

I have been out of commission most of this first week of 2012.

To be fair, I have sort of been out of commission since surgery (November 17, 2011).  I should have been working on the newest phase of healing. My cast was removed 12/27 and I went back to work January 3rd.

BUT

I have been battling what can only be known as the death-plague.  I don’t want to give you all the details but think flu/stomach bug/upper respiratory infection all rolled into one and walking on crutches.

Wanna know how sick I was?!?

I hardly tweeted!

{{GASP}}

I know, that is crazy.

I have also had and taken some time to reflect. Being sick will do that to a person! Recovering from ankle (and knee) surgery on the couch also give lots of time for reflection.

Bear with me, while I ramble a bit and take you inside my mind.

January 1st/New Year’s and all talk of resolutions and goals tends to make me wanna throw up. I suck at resolutions; I have never once stuck to a resolution. Last year I didn’t even bother setting one. Last year, I knew I would be training for a half marathon in August and that was really all I had in my sights. I figured training would take care of it all.

And it sort of did. I had something to focus on!

And then, one week before that half marathon I hurt my knee. I went to the ortho, had an MRI and was diagnosed with arthritis and went to physical therapy. Then I sprained my ankle, went back to ortho and decided to finally fix my weak ligaments in ankle with surgery. Then I had surgery on my ankle and knee.

I had surgery 7ish weeks ago.

Then came another January 1st and another wrestling match with resolutions and goals. I really hate this stuff.  I thought I found a solution with #12in12 but then I got the death-plague and really could only focus on me.  In fact, today is the first day I feel like I am almost back to normal (whatever normal means).

I have decided on a new approach to the whole resolutions/goals debate that goes on in my head. I am no longer going to participate in the #12in12 challenge (not exactly the word for it, but you know what I mean). As I come back to life from the death-plague, I seem to have a new perspective. I need to take the pressure off myself but still push myself.

Quite the delicate balance I need to find. 

I am a jump-in-first kind of person. I get all excited and I just jump in. And then reality kicks in and I feel stuck. I do not want to do this to myself. I hate that feeling. So, as I start to feel better I search.

Where do I go from here?

I have been asking this question all day. Then I read a post written by my good friend Karen  about her word of the year. It was like a light bulb went off in my head! I swear, Karen is like the big sister I always wished I had. Reading her thoughts on goals was like reading my own thoughts.  {Go read her post!!}

I love words. I am an English teacher after all (please don’t hold that against me!! I don’t read blogs or write my own blog expecting perfect grammar or spelling – I read through typos  and I make plenty of my own) and I love to read and write. This blog is my journal. My journey. Me on a page. Me in words.

I have been thinking of the prefect word. Many words sprang to mind: heal, mend, listen, focus. ALL good words but really, those words are my blog. I thought about consistency. Then realized I needed more than consistency. I needed more than focus. I need heal but I need more than just to heal.

I need diligence.

Definition: 

diligence (noun) constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind.

or

diligent (adjective) constant in effort to accomplish something; attentive and persistent in doing anything

 

Right now my biggest task is to completely recover from the death-plague and heal and rehab my knee and ankle. As far as the death-plague, rest and time are the only way to truly recover. I promise you, I am resting!

As for the knee and ankle, I did not make it to physical therapy at all this week but it was just not possible.

Diligence….or constant effort, persistent exertion.

My ankle needs me to be diligent! I need me to be diligent in my therapy.

My students deserve my diligence.

My family deserves my diligence.

Most of all, I deserve to put my all in my tasks. My head will be in a much better place I am diligent in my tasks.  I cannot run before I can walk. I cannot walk until I can crawl.

DILIGENCE

in all that I choose to do!

I may have to be picky in the things I choose to do. But that is another post entirely!

 

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6 thoughts on “coming back to life

  1. GREAT word!!! I can’t wait to see where 2012 takes you, little sis 🙂

  2. That is a DAMN good word, Jen. I love it!

  3. Hope you are feeling better by now! I didn’t do any resolutions this year per se – my goal is to make each day the best it can be and then move on – not worry about what I could have done yesterday or what I should do tomorrow.

    Happy New Year!

  4. Love the word! Love this post! Love you and your kick ass self!
    LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!

  5. Absolutely LOOOOOOOVE this post! and your word for the year! You rock!!

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